Tears and Depths of the Heart
by Tiarwen
Summary: Complete. Once upon a time, they fell in love. And as the years went by, they found that neither had fallen out of love. With the war finished, they can finally pick up the pieces and start again and their deepest secret would finally be revealed. SSNM


Disclaimer - the lovely characters belong to the amazing JKR. The lyrics are from Switchfoot's song **On Fire**.

**For Tangi - so sorry about the extremely long wait baby. I love you!**

Tears and Depths of the Heart

Narcissa Astra Black Malfoy was sitting in her study at Malfoy Manor with a book in her lap. She had been attempting to read, but she couldn't get her mind off what would be happening later that evening. Her husband, Lucius, had just informed her that a few of his 'associates' (i.e. - Death Eaters) would be stopping at the house after dinner.

She didn't have to wonder who would be there - Nott, MacNair, Crabbe, Goyle… and, of course, Severus Snape. She sighed inaudibly to herself. Narcissa had fallen in love with Severus Snape while they were still at school in the two years that she and he had been there after Lucius had graduated.

The problem was that she hadn't fallen _out_ of love with him. To the outside world, she seemed the perfect Malfoy wife - and she and Lucius appeared to be in love. But that's all it was - an appearance. Inside the walls of Malfoy Manor, that façade fell away, and it was a cold, loveless atmosphere, save the love between mother and son, between Narcissa and Draco. But even that had to be hidden, because Lucius did not wish for his son to have any emotions, he believed it was a weakness.

At times Narcissa believed she was the only one in her house that had ever experienced love, although she knew it was a lie. Her son had told her that he was deeply involved with someone at school, and when he talked about her, Narcissa could see the spark in his eyes that told her that he could, possibly, fall in love with this girl, whoever she was. He had refused to say who she was, only that she was his equal in every way possible. Narcissa had a sneaking suspicion that the girl was not one that Lucius would 'approve' of, and that was why Draco had not told her. And she didn't blame her son. She knew what her husband was capable of, which was why she had hidden away every single emotion she had ever had for Severus into the deepest crevices in her heart.

**And you're on fire  
when he's near you**

But there were times when he would stand near her, or even simply look across a room at her, she would feel her heart beat a little faster, and once or twice her breath had caught in her throat and she had to look away. It was like he lit some sort of fire in her body, all the way to her very bones and the deepest crevices of her heart - where she hid her love. Her love for _him_. At times it bothered her, but those times were only occasionally. Most of the time she simply felt some sort of regret. Regretted what, however, she wasn't quite sure. Did she regret having fallen in love with him? Or for marrying Lucius despite the fact that she loved Severus? Or something else entirely… she just couldn't tell.

Narcissa was sitting in one of the living rooms, writing a letter to Draco, asking if he was going to be coming home for the Christmas holidays, although she had a feeling that she would receive a negative response. She had chosen to write the letter in here rather than her study on the off chance that she would see Severus. It was a foolish idea on her part, and in her mind she laughed mockingly at herself.

She had finished her letter and was about to put it in the envelope when she heard a noise by the door. She felt her heart skip a beat and she turned to the door.

Severus was leaning against the door frame, watching her. Neither said anything, and Narcissa had to keep taking very deep breaths to keep herself calm. In those moments, she wanted nothing more than to run to him and stay in his arms for all of time. But even as she thought it, she pushed it aside, knowing that it was impossible. It seemed like hours that they stayed there, simply staring at one another, but looking at clock afterwards, Narcissa found that it was less than three minutes. He was the one to break the contact, as he abruptly turned and walked away.

She cried herself to sleep that night.

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Narcissa didn't see Severus until nearly a month later, at their annual Christmas party. It was, of course, Lucius' idea; Narcissa hated large get-togethers. She preferred something small, with just a few close friends and family. Not that she had much of either that she would want to spend time with.

As she expected, Draco did not return to Malfoy Manor for the holidays, and personally, Narcissa did not blame him. In his shoes she would have done the same.

**You're on fire  
when he speaks**

She was walking around the large ballroom, taking part in a few conversations, most which involved fashion or gossip. She would have loved to join the discussion of the incidents involving a dragon in the southern United States, but she knew her place, and it did not include participating in such a discussion.

She had been walking toward a woman she knew from the Ministry, when she heard a voice that she would know forever - Severus.

He was speaking to his niece, Daphne, and Narcissa was reminded of how much she loved to listen to him speak. It had a way of touching her very heart. There it was with the heart again… it always seems to come back to her heart.

Maybe it was the fact that he was a man of few words, and that was what made her love to hear him talk. And maybe it was the fact that he was capable of saying the sweetest things when he wanted to - the trick was getting him to want to.

She caught only a few words of the conversation before she moved on, but his words echoed in her head, meaningless as they were to her. The words weren't important, his voice was.

Once again, she cried herself to sleep.

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Narcissa had gone to Diagon Alley with Draco the day before his sixth year at school, simply to get out of the Manor. He was still with the mystery girl, insisting that he would tell her when the time was right. Narcissa had a feeling that that time would be after he was away from the overbearing wrath of his father.

She had been browsing through Flourish and Blotts when she overheard a single sentence that made her feel as though a train had hit her right in the heart.

**You're on fire  
burning at these mysteries**

"Yea, my cousin just transferred from Seattle Institute in the U.S.," a young girl's voice said excitedly.

Narcissa's heart stopped beating for a moment and then started again, beating twice as fast as normal. She forced herself to not think about those things until she returned to the Manor. She felt relieved that Draco was finished quicker than expected, meaning that they left sooner than she had anticipated.

When they arrived at the Manor, Narcissa immediately went to her private room in the East Wing. As she stared out the window, she allowed thoughts to flood her mind.

Narcissa had another secret that she kept locked in the deepest part her heart, possibly even more hidden than her love for Severus. It was nothing more than a name and the memory of a tiny baby, but it was the biggest secret she had ever had - and it was known only to herself, Severus and an old Healer who had died a few years before.

Amber Rosette Snape. Narcissa's and Severus' daughter.

She had been born a year and a half after Draco. For the first three years after Draco was born, Lucius had been away, claiming that he was on "business trips," but Narcissa knew it was just that he didn't want to be around a screaming child. No doubt it had an affect on the cold and distant relationship between her husband and son. Because he was gone, she spent time with Severus, and thus, when she became pregnant with Amber, there was no fear of her being in trouble with Lucius.

But a year after she was born, it became painfully obvious that she would not be safe near Lucius, or even in Britain. So Severus had taken her to his parents in the United States, in the rainy state of Washington. She would be safe there, and his parents were ecstatic to have another person in the house, and his mother especially loved to take care of the little girl.

Narcissa hadn't seen her daughter in more than a decade. _'Thirteen years,'_ she thought to herself. She heard of Severus' parents every three or four months, and once, when Amber been only four, they had included a picture she had drawn. Narcissa had shrunk it and hid it at the bottom of one of her jewelry boxes. She had received only three other letters from Amber, and those were also shrunken and hidden away. The last had been when she was eleven, right after she had been accepted to the Institute.

**Give me one more time around  
Give me one more chance to see**

Narcissa let her mind wander. She wondered how Amber was doing now. She wished things had gone differently, but it was the past, and no matter how much she wished, it wouldn't change. Amber would be turning fifteen a few months and would be in her fifth year of school. How she wanted to see her daughter… but of course, that was impossible. At least until Lucius died. And she could only hope that that day would come before she died.

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It was the night before the beginning of the school year, and Severus Snape was lying awake, unable to sleep. There were too many things on his mind. The impending war, his daughter Amber and… Narcissa Malfoy. _Malfoy_. How he hated that that was her name now. He knew that it was an arranged marriage, and there was nothing either of them could do about it, but it didn't mean he had to like it.

The war would come soon, and it would be time for him to reveal which side he was truly on. And since the day Amber had been born, he knew. There was no way in bloody hell that he would let her be raised in darkness.

Amber. He had gotten a letter from her a few days before, saying that she had started her fifth year at Seattle Institute. She seemed happy, but there was an undertone that he could almost feel. She wanted to be with him, she wanted to meet her mother. She had told him this on many occasions, finally, when she turned fourteen, he told her the whole story. About Narcissa, about Lucius and about Draco, and about why it was very dangerous for many people to even know she was alive. He expected her to be resentful of him, but instead, she was the opposite. She said that she understood, and that she would be patient, and that she would wait, but she did want it - to be able to live with her father and possibly even her mother.

Her mother. Narcissa. The only woman he had even fallen in love with. Some people thought he was cold and unfeeling, but it wasn't true. He had to seem that way in order to hide his true feelings. It would not do for Voldemort (or anyone else for that matter) to know about Amber or his love for Narcissa.

There were times in his life that he wanted to just break down for a moment and cry. Now was one of those times. And it surprised him that, for once, a single tear had formed and was sliding down his cheek.

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It was on October 20th, that the war between light and dark, Aurors and Death Eaters, Harry Potter and the Dark Lord, was finally over. And the light had beaten the darkness.

It was a huge relief to both Severus and Narcissa. Severus didn't have to hide such a crucial part of his life any longer and Narcissa wasn't ruled over by Lucius. Because Lucius was dead. Draco had killed him. It came as shock to everyone except Severus, Narcissa and Dumbledore. They were the few that knew of his allegiance, and of his refusal of the Dark Lord. Severus, who had always been sort of a mentor to Draco, was proud of him. Narcissa had tears of joy in her eyes when she heard.

The final battle left Severus with an injury to his back and shoulder, but also a kind of emotional injury. He was even more silent and withdrawn, barely leaving his quarters in the dungeons. That was, until he was called to the Headmaster's office.

Albus Dumbledore looked at the man standing before him. Severus Snape had many secrets, and the Headmaster doubted that he would discover all of them. But there was one thing the Potions master had kept hidden, a secret for thirteen years, a secret that Albus knew about now.

Albus Dumbledore knew about Amber Rosette Snape.

He said only one thing to the former spy. "Go get your daughter Severus."

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Classes had not started again after the end of the war, but some students chose to stay at Hogwarts, which the Headmaster and other teachers thought perfectly acceptable. Draco was one of these students, saying that he needed to stay there to be with his girlfriend (although he hated the word), whose name Narcissa still did not know.

One week after the war had ended, Draco had received a letter. At first, he did not believe it, for he thought it impossible. It was from a girl, a girl who claimed to be his half sister. He had not shared this information with anyone, not his girlfriend, not his mentor, not even his best friend Blaise Zabini. He made a decision to ask his mother when he next saw her.

It was a fortnight after he received the letter that he went back to Malfoy Manor. The place had been combed thrice over by Aurors, and personally, Draco couldn't care less. The less of his father's Dark Arts things lying around, the better.

He found his mother sitting in the garden, reading. He sat down across from her and said, "Hello Mother."

Narcissa looked up from her book to her son. Looking in his eyes, she could see a burning curiosity. She gave him a small smile and answered, "Good morning Draco."

Draco wasted no time. "Mother, three weeks ago I got a very interesting letter." He pulled the letter out of his pocket before continuing. "The girl who wrote this claims to be my half sister, and that we have the same mother." He stared straight into her cerulean eyes and asked, "Is it true?"

Narcissa sighed deeply and closed her eyes. "Yes," she answered quietly. "She was born a year and a half after you were. When she was two, her father took her to live with his parents in Seattle."

"And who is her father?" Draco asked, his eyes never leaving her.

Narcissa paused for a moment, and then, in a voice no louder than a whisper, she said, "Severus."

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Amber Rosette Snape could think of only one word to describe what she thought of Hogwarts - magnificent. It was the first of November, the day after her birthday (a day more commonly known as Halloween) and she had arrived at the school with her father in early afternoon.

As she walked the halls with her father, she couldn't stop looking around, taking every thing in. Her grandparents had told her how amazing Hogwarts was, but it didn't hit her until she stood there and saw it with her own eyes. As she walked the halls to the Headmaster's office, she stared at the walls in wonderment and awe.

Amber and Severus entered Dumbledore's office and found him talking to Fawks. Severus cleared his throat, and the Headmaster looked up.

"Ah, yes, Miss Snape, come in. Let's figure out where you belong," he said with his trademark twinkle in his eye.

He picked up the Sorting Hat off his desk, and dusted it slightly, before he motioned for her to sit, which she did. He then carefully placed the hat on her head as her father watched. She contained the urge to laugh as she looked at him - his expression, which to most people was unreadable, was like an open book to her. And she saw just a tiny bit of fear on his face, which amused her greatly.

"_Well, my dear, let's see. You've got intelligence and wit, but I can see you are cunning and devious. Hmm… most definitely a _**SLYTHERIN**_,"_ the last word was said aloud to the room, and Severus' face showed Amber how relieved he was. She mentally laughed at her father - he could be so strange sometimes.

She was then shown the Slytherin dorms in the dungeons, where she began to move her things into place, with a promise to find her father later and talk to him.

As she was taking books out of her trunk, two girls came into the room - her roommates.

"You're new, aren't you," once of them asked, a thin girl with blonde hair and brown eyes who looked as though she would blow away in too strong of a wind.

"Yea," Amber answered. "I transferred from Seattle Institute in the United States."

"That's neat," the other said. She was short, probably only 5" 2' or so, with light brown hair and hazel eyes. "I'm Eileen Ganza by the way. And this is Olivia Valentini," she motioned to the blonde girl next to her. "We're the only other fifth year girls."

"Oh," Amber answered. "I was wondering why it seemed so empty."

"We can show you around if you'd like," Olivia offered.

Amber thought for a moment, then said with a small grin, "Sure."

The three girls walked around the corridors and then the grounds for the better part of an hour, until Olivia insisted that she had to go inside, away from the cold. Amber assured them that she could get back to the common room on her own, and continued walking by herself. She had only been walking for ten minutes, and was looking up at the sky as she walked, when she collided with someone, knocking them both to the ground.

Amber was lying on her side next to the other person and immediately said, "I am so sorry, I wasn't watching where I was going."

She struggled to her feet as a deep voice said, "It's alright."

Standing in front of her was a tall young man, probably 6' 1" or taller, with pale blond hair and alabaster skin. He looked down at her with silver-blue eyes and said, "You're new."

Amber rolled her eyes at the obviousness of this statement.

"Draco Malfoy," he said and extended his hand.

She took it and said, "Amber Snape."

Draco looked at the girl. She stood about 5' 5", and had straight black hair and pale skin. But the thing that held his attention was her silver-blue eyes. Eyes that were exactly like his own.

The two stood there for a moment, neither saying anything as they thought. Draco looked the girl over, _'Sister,'_ he mind whispered. She was wearing a pair of light blue jeans and a black hooded sweatshirt, and held herself with dignity, like nothing in the world could bring her down.

At the same time, Amber was studying Draco. _'Brother,'_ a voice in the back of her mind whispered. He was wearing black slacks, and a button down white long sleeved shirt.

"Walk with me," Draco said, and Amber nodded in agreement. The two walked around the grounds for almost an hour, talking about anything that came to mind. As they walked back to the Slytherin common room, they felt that they had made up at least some of the time that they had spent apart.

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Over the next two months, Draco and Amber became extremely close, but Draco still refused to disclose who 'his girl' was, which annoyed Amber to no end. But as the Christmas holidays drew nearer, Amber grew more excited - she would be going with Draco to Malfoy Manor, where she would meet her mother.

Severus, obviously, was glad to see his daughter happy, but at the same time, extremely anxious about what would happen during the holidays. Narcissa had invited him to come as well, and he had accepted, not only because of Amber, but because he still loved Narcissa.

Malfoy Manor was one of the most darkly beautiful buildings Amber had ever seen, the first being her grandparents mansion in Seattle. It was four stories tall, with tall, ominous windows with black curtains, and it was made of old gray stone, with intricate carvings around the windows and doors.

She, Draco and Severus got down from the carriage which had carried them there, and walked to the front door, Draco in the lead. He knocked on the door and they were shown in by a small house elf. They were led to a small sitting room, where Narcissa was sitting with a book, waiting for them.

When Amber, Draco and Severus entered the room, Narcissa looked up. The first one her eyes fell on was that of a girl, no more than fifteen, with pale skin, and her own silver-blue eyes. Her hair was straight like Narcissa's, but the same shade of black as Severus'. Amber gave her a small smile, and Narcissa closed the book and stood. She crossed the room, and looked for any sign in her daughter's eyes before embracing her in a hug. Amber's arms wrapped around her mother and she said, "Hi Mom."

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For the next three days, Amber and Narcissa hardly left each others' sides. But once, the two had been in the library, and Amber had gone back to her room to retrieve a journal she was writing in (she said she loved to walk around the Manor, which was why she didn't have a house elf get it for her) and Severus had come into the room looking for his godson. Narcissa was absorbed in her book and didn't know he was there.

**Give me one more time around**

Severus watched her for a few long moments. He was once more in awe of her beauty, and he felt a twisting in his heart, wishing for just one more chance to be with her the way they had been when Draco and Amber were babies. One more time to have those same feelings, to hold her the way he wanted to. He shook his head at his own stupidity, for how could she want to go back to the way it was before? With that in his mind, he left the library as silently as he had entered, her image engraved in his mind.

**Give me one more chance to see**

Narcissa had been spending so much time with her daughter that she almost forgot that there were two others in the house. Almost, that is, until she saw Severus taking a walk around the gardens by himself the fourth day after they had arrived. As she watched him meander around the plants, she thought back to when Lucius was away for the years after Draco, and then Amber, were born. She knew Severus then, knew him completely. But now when she looked at him, all she could see in his eyes was a cold, emotionless wall. A wall he had built after Amber had been taken to his parents. She wished that she could see into him once again, to be able to look at him and see what was going on inside his head. With a sigh she turned away from the window, feeling that he would not want to return to the way it had been. And yet she could still see him clearly in her mind.

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Amber had noticed her father's subdued manner at the manor, and on the sixth day after they had arrived, she went to seek him out. She found him in the library, glancing at random shelves.

"Daddy?" she asked quietly.

He turned from the shelves and looked at her. He smiled, warmth in his dark eyes. "Yes?" he asked his daughter, his voice soft.

"Is there something wrong?" she asked, determined to fix it if there was.

He shook his head sadly, and said, "No."

They were standing next to the windows that looked out into the gardens below. Narcissa was sitting on one of the benches, talking to Draco. Amber noticed that her father was looking forlornly at her mother.

"Daddy, I think you're just mad at yourself because you fell in love with her again," she told him quietly.

Without taking his eyes from the window, he shook his head slightly. "I never stopped loving her," he said in a voice that was barely more than a whisper.

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It was Christmas Eve, and Draco and Amber were playing chess in one of the living rooms, Narcissa occasionally watching them over her book. She had risen to go find another one of her books when she and Severus met in the doorway. There was silence for a moment, and then Amber giggled.

The two adults turned to look at her, and she said nothing, but pointed above them. Simultaneously, they looked up. Hanging from the door frame was a small piece of mistletoe.

Severus knew, without even thinking, that he had once chance, at this very moment, which could change his life forever.

**Give me everything you are  
Give me one more chance to be… (near you)**

If Narcissa had had time to think about what her daughter meant, she probably would have felt extremely nervous. But she didn't have time to think about the implications of the tiny plant above her head, because a second after Amber had pointed it out to them, Severus had lowered his head and covered her lips with his.

It was a single heartbeat later that Narcissa comprehended what was going on and respond to him. Her arms twined around his neck, though he was more than half a foot taller than she was. And in turn, he placed his arms around her waist and pulled her closer to him.

The two were so absorbed in one another that they didn't notice that Amber and Draco had grinned at one another, and then left the room silently through the door on the opposite side of the room.

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Severus lay awake, staring at the ceiling. His kiss with Narcissa earlier had made him feel more alive than he had in more than a decade. Even though he had done horrible things in his life, and as much as he hated himself for it, she had still kissed him in a way that made him feel as though, possibly, he could change. Change for the better. For himself and for her. It was then that he realized something - he wanted to be with her. Even as hard and difficult as it might be, he still loved her - and he knew that now, now that the war was over and Lucius was finally gone, there was a chance that they could have a future. A future together.

**Cause everything inside me looks like  
Everything I hate  
You are the hope I have for change**

Narcissa, unable to sleep after her kiss with Severus, was sitting in a large armchair looking out one of the windows in her room. She was staring at the crescent moon when a thought hit her - as unhappy as she had been, and as much self-hatred that she had, Severus had still kissed her as though he believed that she could change, she could become better, for herself and for him. She wanted to be there with him. And she couldn't imagine a future without him in it.

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It was New Year's Eve. In one of the small living rooms at Malfoy Manor, Narcissa had finally gotten the kind of party she wanted - small and friendly. There were only a few others besides her and Severus: Amber and her best friend from Seattle, Kai Pierto, a tall boy with tan skin, messy chocolate brown hair and light green eyes; Draco with his girlfriend Hermione Granger, a pretty witch with curly dark brown hair and bright hazel eyes; Narcissa's sister Andromeda and her husband Ted, and Severus' parents, Aileen and Mikael.

Severus was watching Draco, and the caring way in which he interacted with Hermione. He then looked around, and found that Narcissa was no longer in the room. He furrowed his eyebrows and went to look for her.

He found her in a study down the hall, staring out a window at the falling snow. For a few seconds, he stood in the doorway, watching her. And then he walked across the room to stand next to her.

**You are the only chance I'll take**

Narcissa Astra Black (she had dropped the 'Malfoy' after Lucius had died) had always been a woman to make rational decisions, and it was rare for her to take chances. And so, when faced with the prospect of a relationship with Severus Snape, it was quite unusual that she simply jumped in headfirst without any sort of planning. And although the words hadn't been spoken, she knew what she was getting into.

Severus Mikael Snape had taken many chances in his life. Spying on Voldemort was the biggest risk he had ever taken, and he had promised to himself that when the war was over, he would take no more chances. And the only chance he was taking was a relationship with the woman he loved. And, like all the other chances he had taken, he knew what to expect.

And as the clock struck midnight, and Severus kissed Narcissa, a single tear rolled down her cheek - but, for once, it was not a tear of sadness, but of joy. And in the deepest parts of both their hearts, they felt an emotion that was almost foreign to them - the deepest happiness of finally finding something you didn't even know you were looking for. Love.

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So how was that? My first attempt with this couple… I duno, I may do a sequel, I may not. But just tell me what you think.

.-Tiarwen-.


End file.
